My Life At War

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This is the next in a series I had posted on my old website, a sort of freeform poetry inspired by hiphop music.  The first, “My Life With Music”, was one of the more popular things I ever posted on my old site.  I followed it up with “My Life On The Road” and “My Life In The Universe”.  I think I’lll keep writing them.  Here is the next, “My Life At War”.

A few things before I begin.  This piece contains a lot of harsh language, like hiphop does.  I rarely talk this way in real life, but there is a method to my madness.  We have to stop trying to ban words.  We have to let people express themselves.  We have to get rid of this dangerous concept of “words as violence”, or say “words are the only permissible form of violence”.  Not recommended but permissible.

But human civilization MUST have free speech. Orwell tried to warn us.  The Wachowski sisters tried to warn us.  But we just keep marching right into the totalitarian nightmare.

And some of you who are religious might think some of what I say is blasphemous.  If God has a problem with anything I say, She or He (I lean toward She) is perfectly capable of letting me know.  We don’t need to hear your mouth.

And finally, you’ll notice that throughout, I use the word “ain’t” a lot, and this is with a specific purpose.  Growing up as Black men, we get beat to death by White people for using this term.  They tell us it is stupid and wrong and this is why we’re failures.  I’ve read most of the canon of Western Literature.  You probably are going to be dealing mostly with English professors and librarians who have read more of it than me.  In prison, for the first time I read a book I’ve always been interested in but never got around to reading—Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”.  In this book, published in 1890, Oscar Wilde, an English writer considered one of the all-time greats, uses the word “ain’t”. 

My brothas, these White kids and teachers telling you that you are dumb haven’t read half the books they pretend they have just like Christians haven’t read the Bible.  I read them all.  But there is still a red underline under “ain’t” it in every instance in this document.  Shout out to Bill Gates. I believe you have a good heart.  Go ahead and fix that and maybe add a little “Did you know” note about the knowledge I just taught.

So White people, Oscar Wilde couldn’t spell and didn’t understand grammar?  That is the sin of modern day White people in a nutshell—racial hypocrisy.  They aren’t responsible for slavery, obvy.  None of them were born.  But this is how they, consciously or unconsciously, perpetuate its effects.

 

With that, “My Life At War”…

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I am not a survivor, I’ve mastered the art of dying,

Like Jet Li in The One, been dead over a thousand times,

I feel like a ghost, haunting the places I loved most,

Wandering the Strip in Vegas, wondering if my redemption is close,

Battling zombies, fake friends and snake niggas amongst me,

Resident Evil, it’s dinner time and the monsters are hungry,

Red Bull and Petra, Alanis and Nas records,

Forever engaged in the reckless pursuit of perfection,

Grand champion like Lewis Hamilton in a corner,

Or Lennox Lewis in the ring, on the attack when he’s cornered.

 

We honor the heroes before us, princes and kings of England,

Roman poets like Horace, Blood of Life in my ink pen,

African princes like Horus, ghetto Quetzalcoatl,

Buck forty on the freeway still mashing the throttle,

You think I’m afraid to die? I grew up worshipping martyrs,

Plus I grew up in a hood where every Black man was a target,

Plus I did time in prison with killers and thug riders,

Skinhead survivors, surrenos ready for war, and niggas who love violence.

 

Plus I walked through church buildings filled to the brim with heathens,

I’m Earth’s kwisatz hadderach, the realest that’s still breathin’,

Late night, Vegas Strip, Five-Star casino-hoppin’ and I love it,

In luxurious marble toilets piss a stream of golden nuggets,

Shutting down nightclubs with showgirls and porn princesses,

That fantasy life you dream of, I just got to live it kid.

I don’t ever speak though, I see them and keep it movin’,

That shit y’all do is mind control and, girl I ain’t stupid,

I ain’t stupid but Mellanie Monroe, was that YOU at the Aria?!?

Walking by me twice, she got this one movie, you gotta see it!

Peace to Billy Watson, lucky motherfucker, I almost fell for that one.

 

It’s a lucky thing when I see you, I don’t think of your movies,

Like I said before, girl, I ain’t stupid,

Plus I don’t know who those dudes are,

And I really only want one best girl,

The fantasy is fun enough plus I don’t want to be sequestered,

But I wish I’d been with Tori in Vegas the night that she got arrested.

 

She’s so cool she apologized to you, but she don’t have the power I’ve got,

Watch ya badge, son, ain’t yo mama tell you that stove’s hot?

Watch ya ass, son, you don’t wanna be on my shit list,

And don’t sleep homey, it ain’t just about you, kid,

You’ll only be the first one,

Like Nas said in his verses, we’re talking generational curses,

Like the one my Pops left me, I rode that shit out, though,

A lot of you punk cowards woulda been done had ya backs broke.

People won’t say this, afraid cops will murder them, but I ain’t scared to pop shit,

My Irish brother JFK sat up straighter when the shot hit,

Jesus did three days, I been on this cross since Day One,

I swear to you, death is the very last thing I’m afraid of.

Crooked ass cops don’t retire and move to Florida,

They piss off power, retire and get murdered.

I was all over Florida, and I didn’t see no retired cops down there,

Unless they’re in Tampa or Jacksonville or around there,

How do I know a retired cop when I see one?

Pop in the Departed and let my brother Leo teach, son.

Black Howard Hughes, but America stole my billions,

That’s the type of injustice that made the Muslims collapse those buildings.

 

It’ll take a lot more than the honey pot to get this one,

Like Nas said, you’d rather electrical fence pissin‘,

Like that dude who ran up on my brother in a grocery store parking lot,

Punched him in the face and then later he got shot,

I don’t know who did it, it wasn’t me or Orin,

But princes got armies of soldiers, Solomon tried to warn you,

I’m affiliated with institutions that going against is brainless,

From the gang members that run Stanford to a lot of the Blood gangsters,

Gang members who run churches, gang members in corporations,

Gang members in entertainment that you think are only just famous.

 

I never act above you, I’m never self-important,

But I been on my Grizzly since the Bulls were running with Jordan,

Since Big Country Reeves was a Grizzly runnin’ ‘gainst Jordan.

That big White boy could ball, that’s on everything important.

Peace to Oklahoma, Brad Pitt and my father were born there,

Red dirt and tough people, that’s why Rawley is from there,

You don’t know him yet, but you will, Peace to Vin Diesel,

Practice your Sam Elliott accent and for this role, no one can beat you,

Shawnee is two hundred miles to Wichita,

One sixty three from Shawnee to my father’s birthplace Fredetick,

I guess that’s why I always considered Brad Pitt one of my brethren,

 

I’m ALL-IN on the girls I love, and I don’t tell, I SHOW,

I’m still pissed at the mob for disrespecting Marilyn Monroe,

If I was president, and that girl was MY lover,

I’ll tell you what I’d have done, and I put this on my mother,

I’d have gotten the Secret Service, two Glocks and my brother,

And run up in the Commission and killed every motherfucker,

Might have let Meyer Lansky live, he wasn’t as bad as the others.

I didn’t understand 'til I met Space Girl and found enlightenment,

That first night, that shit she did was enlightening,

I laughed out loud and said “Come on, you CAN’T do that shit!”,

You NFL guys are living good, if that’s an example of how it is,

Man, I tell you, that trick she did is mind control,

Had to let it go though, that chick was trying mind control,

Read back up the page a bit, about stupid and how I ain’t it,

One thing’s for sure, and this I’ll stake my word on,

My Mama ain’t raise no fools, and Stanford don’t turn out morons.

So now it’s time I circle the block on all my heroes,

JFK, MLK, my father and Bill Clinton,

Men who did great things, but lacked for sexual discipline,

Ask the women I know, I’ve SHOWN and PROVEN I’m different,

And OH MY GOD, I’m SO straight, I so wanted us to be intimate,

Read Song of Solomon, it’s ancient-world pornographic,
My girl better have something for that “I think I hurt my back” shit,
All the reports you heard, I was holding back shit,

Because I didn’t feel trust for the girls I did that with.

So when me, Jesus and Malcolm X hop out of that white Ferrari station wagon,

You know that it’s on for all you coward-ass straight faggots,

Apologies to LGBTQ, my gay guys know that I’m not meaning you,

My homies and I will probably be with Jet Li or Sun Zu,

They’re kinda small in fact, so fuck it, maybe both dudes,

I’m not sure of Sun’s size, maybe he was a monster,

Maybe Jet knows and can teach me some wushu in the process,

I don’t want to put my man Nas on blast,

But though I like Ether, I’ll be forty-five in a karate class.

Forty-six and seven if Jet lets me, except wushu is not karate,

Y’all are fascinated by their arts but you don’t understand karate is Japanese,

Wushu or Shaolin kung fu is Chinese and its way different,

Wushu is organic, karate is mostly linear,

The Chinese are peaceful, the Japanese are belligerent,

Or were until we nuked them, that was kinda harsh, kid,

But that’s why I fuck with China and Asia, you Americans are retarded,

Apologies to my disabled folks, you know that I don’t mean you,

Most of you are smarter than average, you have to be to get through.

Long nights, Megans in my sights, Good or Fox, Kelly, McCain or Trainor,

I won’t mention that one, that might one day be my King and his maiden,

But if I’d ever doubt why I admired him, now that’s why I know,

He doesn’t want to do it but I know Prince Harry will be there if England needs him,

He just hopes he doesn’t have to be king, I don’t wanna do it either,

I’d like to be king for just a moment, long enough to give one edict,

“Let’s all work together”, then take off the crown, I don’t need it,

That’s why Harry will always be my hero, along with LeBron the man I respect most,

It’s easy to see they are righteous men of God and kings, both.

 

This is the favor I’d ask of Harry if ever I were to meet him,

If he could talk to his family and officially declare me English,

That’s the way it was before nations since time of Egypt,

If you could prove you had that blood you could be one of those people,

So I wonder if Harry could find the Boyds and Eagletons in England,

The British keep records good, I would think he could do that easy,

Or maybe it’s easier than that, He could just ask his grandmother and she’d do it,

I don’t know if that’s how English bureaucracy works but I’m serious,

I know I’m really English, because I’m so damn curious.

They seem like good people,

I believe Meghan and Harry but I don’t think that family is racist.

Every family’s got a few, we know that all of ours do,

So why should they be different? You don’t think they’re human too?

You don’t think Willian and Harry were heartbroken when their mom died?

Even though he cheated, you don’t think Charles loved his wife?!?!

That woman? Come on! Stop being ridiculous,

We’ve got to let people live and stop the celebrity prison shit.

I sure they enjoy some privileges, of course they deserve it,

If its Armageddon and Harry’s flying, whose plane do you want to be on?

I’d want to be right behind him, ‘cause I’d feel safe and in case he needs me,

In the old days in history that’s what you hoped that your king would be,

And people tripped over the Nazi thing,

Germany was bombing his family, it was probably a lost bet,

If Harry had been around, Hitler’d got his ass kicked quick.

Charles and William will do fine, too,

English colonialism was never as bad as the others,

Indians and us, most of their colonies still love ‘em.

Latinos don’t fuck with Spain, Portugal don’t fuck with Brazil,

The Dutch are STILL in SOUTHERN Africa, Sarah, making our lives hell,

But America calls Britain our greatest ally, One of the Founding Fathers wrote,

The goal of the revolution was the East India Company’s LOOT.

And India still has the fine British manner,

You can hear it on the phone with them through their Indian accents,

The problem isn’t with the calls going there, most are easy to understand,

The problem is they don’t know your accounts and aren’t empowered to lend a hand,

Sure, every now and then you get one impossible to understand,

But is there any job in America where someone doesn’t fit in?

That’s why we’re xenophobic hypocrites…

Damn, I’m going on a bit, I gotta wrap this up,

The last thing is this birthday girl I saw in Vegas,

Some of you might have heard of her, I hear she’s a little bit famous,

A religious experience, not Jesus, another Jew,

Like I’m searching the world for another you,

Don’t want you to be an actress, don’t want you to be famous,

Don’t want you to be THAT rich, wait, you’ve made HOW MUCH?!?

I don’t want you to be married, don’t want you so smoking hot cute,

Don’t want a lot of things, except I know that I want you.

It’s strange I was thinking about the Kennedy assassination,

The night that I walked by Maybe-Scarlett-Johansson in Vegas,

“Cut the bullshit, you know it was me,” the voice of Scarlett says,

And she was born on the day JFK was killed, I don’t know what all that says,

It probably means she’s puzzled over what caused it,

You said we never die, and Scarlett, I think solved it…

 Oswald was the lone assassin, other s may have been there,

But Oswald fired THAT shot, how did he do it?

Oswald had social connections to Jackie’s family,

He was probably mad about Marilyn,

If you can’t stay faithful, probably shouldn’t get married then.

But JFK doesn’t DUCK, he sits up STRAIGHTER and grabs his throat, Why would he do that instead of hiding under his coat? How did the magic bullet stop in mid-air? It didn’t, it went through the KNOT of his necktie, Which was more than likely high tech, and that slowed it down. In physics, slowing can look like stopping, when calculated after the fact.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there were others there shooting, All independent haters, John was smart, brave and stupid, But its so obvious that last shot hit him from the front, You said we never die, and when our body does, we’re long gone, JFK was such a master, he moved the bullets so no one else would die, I can hear him thinking “Only me” as all of those bullets fly, So that’s why he sat up straighter, So Jackie wouldn’t die, when inside he'd already killed her, How did that bullet come around front when Oswald squeezed the trigger and pulled it? I know where Jack is—for the Marilyn sin, his soul is still stuck in that bullet—

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