Malika Andrews
I’m in a lazy phase of my writing these days. I’ve got a lot I want to say about a lot of things, but because I haven’t been truly comfortable or really had a good time in more than eight years (stop and think about that!), I feel exhausted and sad and it is hard for me to settle down and do the work.
Right now, I’m working through a pair of long and challenging companion pieces, a third part in my series on porn, and a companion piece called “Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll: How Liberals Lost the Culture War”. The two essays deal with my views on monogamy and sexuality and my assertion that conservatives, through a series of clever strategical moves, have gotten liberals to become cheerleaders for conservative lifestyle values and real liberalism is dead. I’m also outlining a piece on The Godfather movies and the profound negative effect I believe they have had on our culture despite the fact that they are great movies.
But as I work on these things, something that I have to mention right away came up...
For a while, I’ve been planning on writing a piece called “Smoking Hot Black Girls”. So I’m flipping channels, and on ABC is the pregame show for a Nets-Lakers NBA game. LeBron James, James Harden and Anthony Davis are all hurt, so the game is of no interest. Sorry for your luck, ABC. But Malika Andrews makes an appearance on the show. I’ve seen her before doing sideline reporting but I’d never seen her without a mask on. Now I have and she is so OH MY GOD! beautiful.
I squint at her hand on the screen and I believe I see a wedding ring. Of course, she’d be married. Everybody’s married. Hot Black girls especially.
Funny thing about REALLY hot Black women-all their husbands kind of look the same. They all look like Morris Chestnut—really good looking, darker skinned, muscular, rich, and with beards or goatees that look like they were cut with a laser.
I’m curious so I go to look to see if Malika’s husband is another Morris Chestnut clone. I don’t see any pictures of her with a husband, but I come across an article about her from the New York Post and I read it. Hmm...that’s interesting...
So I’d been looking at her face on TV and thinking, “That’s funny, she kinda looks like Gal Gadot.”. Then I’m listening to her voice and I’m thinking, “That’s funny, she kinda talks like a Jewish girl.”. Not surprising anymore once I find out, she IS a Jewish girl! Or anyway her mom’s Jewish, which means she’s Jewish. OMG.
Now, I don’t know how Malika identifies. The article says she had a bat mitzvah (that’s so hot). But given the nature of anti-Black racism on this planet, if you’re half-Black, you’re Black. If you’re a quarter Black, you’re Black. If you’re noticeably Black, you’re Black and people around you will force the Black identity onto you. Some people are able to escape this (Lenny Kravitz), but most who try cannot (Tiger Woods).
But the fact that Malika Andrews is Jewish, this puts her VERY high on the list of the smoking hottest girls in the world. I mean, VERY high. Like a single digit number. After a few days of reflection, I have come back to add that I think the single digit number in question is THREE. Sorry, Taylor Swift, you’ve been demoted to number four (like you care). And come to think of it, the more middle-of-the-night episodes of 2 Broke Girls I watch (which is what I’m doing RIGHT NOW), I feel like these rankings cannot do without Kat Dennings! There are just so many beautiful Jewish girls in the world!
But anyway, what Malika Andrews is on paper would be something of a holy grail for me...
I am a realistic and practical person. So while I concluded years ago that certain incompatibilities that exist between me and almost all Black women meant it was unlikely that my ultimate life partner would be a Black girl, I am not blind to the fact that being in a mixed race relationship in this toxically racist society brings a lot of problems, from minor annoying things to fairly serious things.
I’ve been in lots of social situations with White girls where I was dating them, or appeared to be. If the girl is not so hot, it is a non-stop procession of dirty looks and rude behavior directed at me from Black women. If the girl is hot, it’s a non-stop procession of dirty looks and rude behavior directed at her by White men. Since a lot of Jewish girls look White to the average American, this issue would still exist.
That’s on the minor inconvenience side. On the more serious side, you’ve got the family divisions it causes. A White girl from Ohio once told me that her sister had married a Black man, and one of her uncles had said of their bi-racial child, “I’m not letting IT in the house.”. A lot of White AND Black families are really racist, so a lot of mixed-race couples are socially isolated, and life for mixed-race kids brings a lot of unique challenges. While my experience is that Jews are generally not racists, some are.
So I’ve never been blind to the fact that these issues existed, and I was never mad at any White girl for having a policy that she wouldn’t date Black men. Perhaps things are better these days as I see a lot more mixed-race couples when I’m out and about, and amusingly, on television these days it seems like EVERY commercial features a mixed race family. This won’t change adults minds of course, but kids who grow up seeing that are more likely to have less of an aversion to mixed-race relationships. Some things are slowly getting better, but a lot of problems still exist.
It’s absurd, isn’t it? That if you’re a Black man looking for love you have to think about stupid shit like this, along with all the other difficulties of finding love in our emotionally crippled society? But that’s the unfortunate reality, even here in 2021.
Now, in the world of wealth, power and fame that, say, SCARLETT JOHANSSON inhabits, these concerns are much less, perhaps non-existent depending on what her priorities are. But living ordinary middle-class life, it matters. The elite class is actually less racist than the middle class—elites don’t feel that their position in life is threatened by minorities. And of course, if you’re a celebrity it really doesn’t matter much. As Samuel L. Jackson said, “I’m not Black. I’m a movie star!”. But if I found a girl who talked, acted and thought like a Jewish girl, but looked approximately Black so we could walk through life without drawing the negative attention that mixed-race couples do, and was also smoking hot beautiful, that would be like winning the lottery. And while my interest in sports has declined to almost zero, a girl who liked the NBA would not be such a bad thing, as that’s the only sport I have a lingering interest in. I’d actually like to write a book on NBA history. Malika could be my co-author!
And a funny thing that often turns out to be true with girls I like: there is a moderately good chance our paths have crossed before. Where was I when Malika Andrews was born in Oakland in 1995? I was a few miles away at Stanford. I was in Oakland all the time back in her childhood days. Could she have been one of the little girls I passed in the mall in Pleasonton? Could she have been one of the kids I passed playing in Jack London Square? One never knows...
But besides the fact that she appears to be married, just as I mentioned with Smoking Hot Charly, a girl who works in sports media is very unlikely to like me. Most of these girls worship jocks, and in mentality at least, I am an anti-jock. I’ve had one date in my life with a girl who I knew to be Jewish. She also had a job in the NBA world. It was the worse date I’ve ever had LOL. So when it comes to Charly, Katie Nolan, Malika, Rachel Nichols who is SO cute and even cuter now older and a little bit chubby than she was twenty years ago, all these girls in sports media, even if they were single, I believe I’d have even less of a chance with them than I would have with a Hollywood starlet like Scarlett.
Malika must be married to a Jewish guy because no pictures of her husband readily appear. Other celebrity Black girls who are married, when I Google them, images of them with their arms around their Morris Chestnut clones are the first thing to come up.
But anyway, Malika, if you’re actually not married, or you ever feel like getting a divorce, and if you’re not a jock-worshipper, since none of your cute little Jewish cousins have snapped me up yet, I’m AVAILABLE! You’re SOOOO cute!!!!
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