WTF?!?, or, The Triumphant Defeat of an Antisemite
It's two o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. My breakfast really upset my stomach and thus, I haven’t eaten since then, so I’m a little hungry. I decide to get up and flip channels and make something to eat. Maybe there will be some cute Jewish girls reporting the news in the middle of the night.
I open a bag of caesar salad and turn on the TV. I’m flipping channels and...WTF?!? That can’t be what it looks like. There is a moderately cute girl on the screen, so I stop to see her. She is holding a pink object in her hand and...
Apparently, I’ve been watching too much porn. My mind is in the gutter. That looks like a dildo, but it can’t be. It’s gotta be a funny clown balloon. She says, “I have to have lots of pretty toys.”. Okay, this must be some new fad I haven’t heard about. Toys for grown-ups and this is some kind of kid’s toy and my mind is just too dirty right now. “You get the clitoral stimulation...”. O-K. I guess it is what it looks like.
I’m so shocked by this, I turn the channel. I can’t believe what I just saw. Now, I’m not a prude. I think it’s awesome this is on television. I just can’t believe we’ve made enough progress that it is allowed, to have a home shopping infomercial for sex toys, even in the middle of the night on cable.
Still flabbergasted, I continue flipping, and oh look, Charmed comes on in half an hour. I’ve finished my salad but I have to stay up for that. No disrespect to Shannen Doherty but—SPOILER ALERT—I hope it’s a Rose McGowan episode!
I look for something to watch to kill thirty minutes. Curious, I cycle back through the channels to see if the dildo commercial is still on, like maybe I was half-asleep and I didn’t really see what I thought I saw. I’m not sure what channel it was, but it’s gone. But hey, look! 2 Broke Girls is on!
2 Broke Girls is so awesome. It’s like Jewish Girl Heaven. Just like with Charmed, every girl that appears on this show is smoking hot. And it’s really very funny. Every episode I watch has something in it where I have the same reaction I had to the dildo commercial—“I can’t believe they just said that on television!”.
This episode of 2 Broke Girls is one I haven’t seen before. Max goes with her boyfriend to a trendy, pretentious restaurant located in an apartment where the dishes include disgusting things like whole tiny birds. Max ends up vomiting profusely in the bathroom. I was just vomiting profusely in my bathroom this morning. What are the odds! OMG, Kat Dennings is so beautiful...
Now Charmed is about to come on so I switch channels even though there is another episode of 2 Broke Girls coming up. The intro scene to this episode of Charmed has more men in it than I think I’ve seen in the entire series. WTF?!? Where are the girls?!? Oh hey, look, there’s Rose! She’s so cute!
This is one of the early episodes with red-haired Rose when she was bubbly and happy, and really trying hard at her job, before the repeated rape attempts made her go goth and resign herself to the idea that all Hollywood wanted from her was for her to be sexy. It’s so sad. I want to give her a hug. She’s so beautiful that I can’t stand it. I have to turn it off.
I decide to go back for one more look at Kat Dennings before I try to get some sleep. I don’t want to get sappy, but when I really stop and think about it, I feel so lucky. Here are two of the most beautiful girls of all time. Most men in human history lived and died and never saw a girl as beautiful as these two, and I can see them (and a million other smoking hot girls) just about whenever I want.
Thomas Edison invented the movie camera. I just learned from a documentary podcast the other day that he was a raging antisemite just like Henry Ford, and was a big part of the reason that early Jewish filmmakers had to flee from New York and establish Hollywood. I’ve known about Henry Ford for quite a while now, but Edison was almost as bad and nobody mentions it. These guys were two of my biggest childhood idols, and I feel awful now knowing that I looked up to them for so long when they both played a role in creating the conditions that led to the near-extermination of my favorite people.
I don’t support cancel culture. We shouldn’t start pretending that the assembly line and the film camera just emerged out of the ether without inventors. We shouldn’t go back to riding horses or using candles and gas-powered lamps. But we should never mention their accomplishments without pointing out that they were dangerous bigots. That is history too important to forget or ignore, and it should be in every textbook next to their positive accomplishments. Given how I feel about Jewish people (the girls especially!), now that I know the truth about them, I don’t want to cancel Edison and Ford’s achievements, but I’ve canceled my personal admiration for them.
But this is a good example of how hate never really wins. Thomas Edison, this raging antisemite, invented the camera, and then tried to destroy the Jewish filmmakers who learned to use it in a more successful way than he and his friends did. He successfully ran them out of New York City, but in the end, he lost. Thomas Edison is long since in the grave, but his invention has become the means whereby the beauty of Jewish girls (and Rose McGowan) lives forever.
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