Smoking Hot Girls In Politics And News Media
Over the last few months, quarantined in a hotel room without a great package of television channels, I’ve been watching a lot of cable news. I realize that the current situation in America is very serious, but regardless of where you fall on the political spectrum, there is no denying that the Donald Trump saga has had spectacular entertainment value.
If you’d told me in 1988 that in January of 2021, Russia would be fascist, China would be essentially capitalist, nearly all Americans would be wearing surgical masks, Donald Trump would be president, and after losing an election to JOE BIDEN (“Joe Biden’s still alive in 2021?!?”), Trump would attempt to stage a coup, a mob of thousands of his supporters storming the Capitol, I would have said, “Get your popcorn. Obviously, 2021 is going to be the end of the fucking world!”.
But in watching all this cable news, I’ve been noticing all the smoking hot girls in politics and the news media these days. If it’s going to be the end of civilization anyway, might as well have a bunch of smoking hot girls report it. Where to start? Right now, I feel like starting here...
Kyrsten Sinema is so smoking hot! She looked so cute at her swearing-in. Google the photos. There are a lot of hot girls I’m going to be talking about here, but what I love about Kyrsten Sinema is that she is such an unrepentant girl in a place where girlishness is generally not welcome. Most girls in politics, indeed most powerful, successful women outside of entertainment, are trying to act like men.
And apparently, according to the internet, Kyrsten is openly bisexual?!? Is that true? She would most likely be mad at me for saying this, but that’s so hot. For a long time, I felt bad about thinking that bisexual girls were hot, but after doing some self-exploration and discovering why I think it’s hot, I’m unashamed. But beyond the general conceptual hotness of bi girls, it’s also hot that she’s a bisexual girl SENATOR. I wonder how often she gets sexually harassed at work? Probably often, unfortunately. I bet these male politicians, just about all of them frat boys now drunk on their own power instead of Bud Light, are constantly making crude remarks to her. Hopefully, she doesn’t think I’m being inappropriate for saying she’s hot. Obviously, she trying to be hot, so she’s deserves to be told, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Now, I hold no brief for Kyrsten’s politics. Being a Democrat but working with DINO Joe Manchin to obstruct the Democratic agenda isn’t really all that cool. Not wanting all the less fortunate smoking hot girls who are out there waiting tables and cleaning hotel rooms to get a raise isn’t really that cool. Not wanting millions of desperate Americans (including me!) to get as much help as possible, not really that cool. But I forgive Kyrsten because she’s so cute!
And hey, you have to be practical in life sometimes. If Kyrsten wants to keep getting elected in Arizona where most of the residents are right-wing reactionaries, she’s got to pretend to be conservative. I doubt a smoking hot bisexual girl who dressed up like Marilyn Monroe to get sworn into the Senate is really all that conservative. Kinda like I was always more conservative at work, Kyrsten has to do the same thing.
I was going to write a piece about Katie Hill and Krystal Ball. If you don’t know them, Katie Hill is a former Democratic Congresswoman from Central California, and also, like Kyrsten Sinema, openly bisexual. The hilariously-named Krystal Ball is a former Congressional candidate and current political pundit. Both of their political careers were brought to an end by nothing-burger scandals, in both cases involving some not-even-that-racy party photos, and in Katie’s case, a three-way with a staffer.
To me, these “scandals” exposed the sexual hypocrisy of liberal establishment women in politics, just as their silence on the allegations against Biden and Cuomo are showing now. The women of the Democratic party should have rallied around these girls and refused to let their political ambitions be dashed by this bullshiit when men who are outright rapists are occupying the highest offices in the land. If you can get away with “Grab ‘em by the pussy”, you should be able to get away with having a consensual menage-a-trois at work. But anyway...
I really like Krystal Ball. One of the reasons I like her is that Krystal keeps it REAL. She keeps it so real, she’s gonna get fired from her own podcast! The establishment can’t have stuff like that going out over the live air. There is a song called “Banned From T.V.”. That’s like Krystal’s anthem. She’s significantly to the left of me (I’m somewhere between her and Kyrsten Sinema...um, that’s so hot), but I love the way she expresses herself. There are not many people able to so concisely, passionately and eloquently summarize the ridiculousness of our current political environment. It’s so hot!
Now we move on to another former Congresswoman, Tulsi Gabbard. Now, Tulsi’s got some really problematic personal and political connections. If you throw a rock in the air near Tulsi Gabbard, the chances are 9-out-of-10 that rock will land on a fascist. She keeps strange company for a supposed progressive liberal, but she’s so smoking hot. In December, after Trump came out demanding $2,000 checks in the stimulus package, Tulsi posted an Instagram video shot in her car and OMG, she looked SO hot. If you couldn’t hear what she was saying, you would have thought it was a Match.com personal ad, and you’d have answered it, too.
That week, she came on Fox News At Night with Shannon Bream to talk about the stimulus checks. Hottest political interview ever? Maybe. I felt like they were kind of flirting with each other like Rachel Maddow and Ana Marie Cox used to do.
Speaking of Shannon Bream, she’s SOOO cute! Several days ago, before his Cancun scandal, she had Ted Cruz on, and she actually asked him a moderately tough question, and I was like, “WTF, Shannon? Are you trying to get fired?”. But she often does that. Other Fox hosts will pick out the most ridiculous quotes from liberals to read, but Shannon will actually use quotes from liberal sources that are devastating to the conservative view and ask her guests to answer to them. She doesn’t push back when her fascist guests dodge the questions, but the hosts on CNN don’t push back when liberals dodge their rare tough questions either.
Shannon went to Liberty University, so I imagine she’s pretty far to the right, but she seems to be the kind of person who would never endorse meanness. And today’s crop of Republicans, Trump, Cruz, Rand Paul et al, are MEAN. And so are the unholy trinity of Fox hosts that precede Shannon. They go on TV every night with an appalling lack of self-awareness but a limitless sense of self-importance, each of them making $30 million a year, exuding the same sense of smug entitlement of the “elites” they are constantly bashing.
In contrast, Shannon seems genuinely grateful for the privileged position she occupies, and delivers Fox propaganda so cheerfully that it doesn’t sound so bad. Also, it is always attractive to me when a girl is good at her job, and Shannon has a remarkable talent for reading the teleprompter. I don’t mean that as a back-handed compliment. She’s really good at it. She hardly ever makes a mistake. It is remarkable how much lower her error rate is than anybody else on TV I can think of.
And Shannon is supposedly fifty years old? I don’t believe that. She’s got to be lying about her age. I know makeup and cameras and cosmetic surgeons can do a lot, but you’re not supposed to be able to be THAT smoking hot at 50! I saw a picture of her from her beauty pageant days, and she’s way smoking hotter NOW than she was then.
I can tell when her colleagues come on as guests, people genuinely like her, and she genuinely likes people. Shannon Bream seems so nice that if you do something mean to her, and there is a God, you’re DEFINITELY going to hell. I would like to give her a hug.
From a current Fox propagandist to a former one... Megyn Kelly is NUCLEAR smoking HOT!!! I mean, she’s very high on the list of the smoking hottest women in the world. I like Charlize Theron (my favorite African-American actress). She’s really cute. But that movie Bombshell is one of the rare instances where the real-life woman is way hotter than the Hollywood actress playing her.
A lot of people, i.e. liberals, have issues with Megyn Kelly because of her Fox career and the blackface thing, and the generally ineffectual nature of her journalism. Whatever. I’ve always liked her. Even when she was on Fox, like Shepard Smith, I could tell she was reciting the Fox propaganda halfway tongue-in-cheek, always with that sarcastic little half-grin that is so sexy.
And she’s a lawyer, too! It’s well-documented how much I like girl-lawyers. OMG, I would have loved to be her secretary when she was practicing law! I would have been at work early every day and I wouldn’t have left until she went home. “Yes, Ms. Kelly...Anything you say, Ms. Kelly...Let me get that for you, Ms. Kelly...”. The idea of Megyn Kelly giving me orders is almost too hot to handle. That would have been the best job EVER...well, next to working for Scarlett Johansson.
It might be over the line for me to say this, but I’m going to say it anyway. Sorry, Douglas Brunt, but you know what time it is. If not, you’d better go buy a watch! Bet on the board in Vegas: I’m ALL-IN that Megyn Kelly is...ummm...a very open-minded girl. She has that look in her eyes like “You have no idea what I would do to you...”.
And Megyn is that type of hot that aging doesn’t affect her hotness. I found a picture of her when she was young and just like Shannon Bream, she’s way smoking hotter now than she was then. Unlike Shannon, you can tell she’s 50, but it doesn’t matter. She’ll still be smoking hot when she’s 70. She’s like the George Wallace of hot: “Smoking hot today, smoking hot tomorrow, smoking hot FOREVER!”.
There is another Fox propagandist that I debated and debated with myself about including her in this list, as I’ve debated with myself about even mentioning her name on this blog. There is no doubt she is qualified, because Emily Compagno is absurdly, historically smoking hot. But she is so annoying I can’t stand to listen to her talk for more than five seconds. Everything she says is really bad. Every time she speaks, my attraction to her turns off like a light switch. I don’t know how this girl got through law school.
Maybe she’s acting. Maybe Fox hired her to be the ditzy ex-cheerleader who sounds like a moron, so she’s being that to get Rupert Murdoch’s money even though that’s not who she is. Girls are clever like that. If so, she should win an Emmy because I believe her performance. If Emily really is actually smart and not a brainwashed right-wing Stepford wife, that would almost be too hot to handle. I mean, it’s weird. I don’t know how she would have survived so long in Seattle and San Francisco if she were what she appears to be on TV. Her pretty little head would have exploded. A lot of people won’t get this, but Emily looks like a liberal. Her facial expressions, her mannerisms. But that’s what makes it so much more shocking when she starts talking. I like the idea that she’s acting. I’m going to go with that.
I wanted to leave her off because she annoys me so much, but she’s too smoking hot to ignore. Emily would probably say, “I don’t want to be on your stupid list anyway.”, which, naturally, makes me want to include her. And just as another example of how I differ from most men, she looks way smoking hotter now at 40 with dark hair in a nice dress than as a twenty-something blonde in a Raiders cheerleading uniform.
Sarah Palin: still crazy, still hot.
A lot of people won’t understand this, but this list would be incomplete without Condoleezza Rice. Now, I haven’t seen her in person in over twenty years, and she’s like, what, sixty-something now. But as is well established here, I don’t mind a mature woman. And if you’ve never seen her in real life, television is really not flattering to her. She’s cute, and like many public figures, her personality is way different from how she comes off on TV talking about war.
But what really makes Condoleezza Rice hot is the fact that I know she is literally one of the smartest people in the world, and ultimately, intelligence is the most attractive quality in a woman for me. Not that I don’t notice or care when a woman is visually smoking hot, but all the girls that I’ve talked about on this blog (well, most of them), are smoking hot AND smart, and you can’t beat that!
So, it is necessary to discuss Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Now, I’m not quite as much on the “AOC is hot” bandwagon as everyone else. Part of that is probably the effect of the fact that she seems to want to be a celebrity more than a leader, so I judge her by the celebrity standard. But for a politician, she is rather smoking hot, and she has one quality that makes her SO hot: I LOVE her voice! Now, as with many of these other girls, I have issues with her political career, running as a progressive and then slowly shifting to Democratic Party center-rightism everywhere except on her Twitter.
But hey, I get it. AOC isn’t like most of our legislators, rich lawyers with degrees from elite colleges. My girl don’t wanna be back behind that bar serving Jack Daniels to Brooklyn troglodytes and answering questions about what Congress was like. Go ask Katie Hill how easy it is to be a one-term Congressperson and fade into obscurity. Alexandria has a chance to establish a great career and really elevate herself and her family in life, and going AGAINST Nancy Pelosi is not the effective way to do that. Like with Kyrsten Sinema, practical concerns matter. We can’t all be ideologues all the time.
But beyond that, AOC has also had a tendency to forcefully articulate misinformed opinions. Early in her career, I thought criticisms that she was the left’s Sarah Palin (i.e. in over her head intellectually) were fair. However, she seems to have been better about that lately. And it was a mildly bold and admirable act for a politician when she tweeted “Sex work is work.”. That did not go unnoticed by me, but how about introducing some legislation to back up that opinion? Maybe she has—I don’t follow every bill that dies in Congress. But anyway, I love listening to her talk, even when she’s saying things I disagree with. If she had a radio show, I’d listen to it every day.
Meghan McCain is so uptight she probably will get mad if I say that she’s cute, but she is. Meghan is a person I have significant empathy for because so much of what is said about her is mean and unfair, from the body-shaming to the silver-spoon shaming. As is well established here, a lot of chubby girls are smoking hot, and as I know as well as anyone, you can’t help the family into which you are born.
Meghan has a personality that encourages people to attack her. Often she brings it on herself. She’s really annoying on television and does seem to be a painfully naive person, but she seems nice. After listening to many hours of her radio show where she was so much more likable than on The View, I don’t really believe Meghan is a conservative. I think she is trying to be one out of loyalty and respect to her father and her family, but deep down I think she’s a moderate liberal which is why she so often twists herself in knots and seems to not make sense, which gives the impression that she’s dumb. I actually liked her radio show. She did a good job blending politics and pop culture rather seamlessly and it was entertaining (as a literal captive audience sitting on a prison bunk). You can get mad if you want Meghan, but you’re so cute!
I’m working on this piece, and I turn on CNN on Friday night and...what a nice surprise: Laura Coates is filling in for Don Lemon. Laura is SOOO smoking hot, I almost can’t stand it. Every time I see her, I feel like I’ve met her somewhere before. Maybe its just that she resembles actress Nia Long who I’ve been watching on-screen forever. But Laura Coates is way smoking hotter than Nia Long.
And pretty easy job you got there, Laura! You get paid I imagine a few million bucks a year, and all you have to do is sit there looking hot and answer softball questions and state the obvious, and I guess fill in for Don Lemon once in a while.
Now, I’ve been critical of Kamala Harris for claiming to be an advocate for underprivileged people while being a Black female prosecutor in a highly racist and classist judicial system, and Laura’s a former prosecutor, too. But I’m not being totally hypocritical here just because Laura is cute. Laura was a federal prosecutor, and as a rule, federal law enforcement does a much better job than state and local law enforcement. The mass incarceration problem and the systemic law enforcement racism problem are mainly problems with state and local agencies, not as much federal agencies.
When I was working as a legal secretary, I usually worked for more than one attorney. What if I’d been able go work for Laura Coates and Megyn Kelly at the same time?!!! That would have been fun. Laura is a lawyer AND she went to Princeton? This places her very high on the list of the smoking hottest women in the WORLD!
I have noticed that there are a lot more smoking hot female politicians in other countries than here in America. This makes sense because the philosophy I call “Ugly Girl Feminism” is mainly an American phenomenon. I’m not going to run down all the hot girls in politics from around the world, so I’m just going to mention my favorite one: Greek EU parliament member Eva Kaili. Eva is an architect, which is hot. We need to learn from Europeans to elect more leaders who actually have technical careers rather than nothing but lawyers.
Having listened to a few of Eva’s talks and read a few interviews with her, she seems to be a person who has an elevated intellectual understanding of the way things are. I love the expression she has in every picture of her taken during parliament sessions. It seems to say “OMG, you’re all so fucking stupid.”. If I’m not mistaken, Eva is still single and she looks like she works way too hard. I would like to take her out for gyros in San Francisco and then take her to sneak into Frank Lloyd Wright’s last building with me.
I will end with a political media girl who is truly historically smoking hot: Ana Kasparian from the Young Turks. I used to watch TYT years ago, and I could see Ana was really cute, but I’d only ever seen her in a tiny box on my computer screen. Then, when TYT had their short-lived MSNBC show, I saw her on the big screen in high definition for the first time and I was like, “Wow, she is one of the most beautiful women in the WORLD!”.
Ironically, for me, Ana has lot in common with Meghan McCain. They would probably both be mad at me for comparing them to each other. Now obviously, Ana is way smoking hotter than Meghan. Both seem to me like really kind-hearted girls essentially, but they both seem painfully naive, incredibly uptight and uncomfortable with their femininity. I don’t think either is actually dumb, but they both can be annoying when they get in over their head trying to dissect issues that are too complex for them. But to be fair, while I’ve heard from Meghan recently, I haven’t really listened to TYT in over a decade and Ana was in her early twenties back then. Perhaps she has matured. She’s definitely gotten even smoking hotter, I know that much...
The Jeopardy! answer is, “Armenian girl whose last name starts with ‘K’ who could possibly be the smoking hottest girl in the world”. Question: “Who is Ana Kasparian?”
This list is hardly exhaustive. There are just so many smoking hot girls out there. If I keep watching cable news and surfing the internet, this list could go on forever. The number of hot elected officials is still relatively limited, but there are so many cute reporters and political staffers, it’s impossible to keep track of them all.
I’ve been hearing all my life that most men have a problem with intelligent, powerful, successful women. I don’t get it. Maybe that’s a myth, as unfortunately for me, nearly all these girls are married. Most of them are multi-millionaires, all of them are college graduates I think. Like half of them are lawyers. Me personally, when I see an intelligent, powerful, successful girl, my natural instinct is to SUBMIT! I mean, I’m not going to let any of these girls put me in a black leather mask and tie me up in their basement...Well, wait, who’s asking?
But my point here is in line with the point of this entire blog. If the feminist movement is really going to be a complete success, we have to learn to appreciate the WHOLE girl. It’s okay to appreciate a woman for being powerful, intelligent, educated, driven, ambitious, successful...and also for being SMOKING HOT!
I had to come back and make some additions to this piece because there were a couple of oversights that are too criminal to go unredressed. At the top of that list is that I somehow managed to forget my own Congresswoman, who also happens to be a cute Jewish girl, Sara Jacobs. My only excuse is that now that the election is passed, she isn’t on TV much anymore.
In any case, when I first saw her campaign ads, I thought, “She’s so cute!”. Her opponent ran an attack ad calling her a “billionaire heiress” and I thought, “Wait, Sara Jacobs is a BILLIONAIRE?!? That’s so HOT!”.
Sara’s not actually a billionaire, her grandfather is. Maybe her dad too. When I saw her campaign ads, I also thought, “I’ve met her somewhere before.”. San Diego is in a certain sense a small town. Sara went to Torrey Pines High School, and while she was going there, I was living in an apartment right across the street. I might have run into her years ago at the Jamba Juice or grocery store down the block.
I don’t imagine Sara has spent a lot of time on San Diego’s nightclub and bar circuit, but if she has, maybe I saw her there. Maybe I ran into her when I was loitering around the kosher section in the La Jolla Ralph’s hoping to meet a cute Jewish girl. I don’t know but she seems very familiar to me. Anyway, she’s my Congresswoman and she’s so cute!
Another ridiculous oversight is former White House Communications Director and current Fox News propagandist Alyssa Farah. This one I can explain better. I’d thought about including her but left her off. Why? Alyssa looks like a much prettier version of a girl I used to know. My association with that girl ended ten years ago in a way that left me feeling sadly disappointed in her. I’d made a moderately serious mistake, but in my view she dramatically overreacted given our relationship. The resemblance is strong enough that whenever I look at Alyssa, along with her beauty comes a feeling of sadness and disappointment having nothing to do with her. She evens talks kind of the same as that other girl. But I saw her on Fox the morning after I first posted this, and I knew leaving her off was ridiculous. She’s so smoking hot!
As I mentioned, this list could go on forever. There are a limited number of hot elected officials in nationally prominent positions, but there are a lot of hot state and local politicians, like Alessandra Biaggi who I just saw on TV the other day. I bet she won a lot of votes just because she has such an elegant-sounding name.
Fox doesn’t have a total monopoly on hot girls, they just play it up more. There are a lot of cute propagandists on the other networks too: Kate Bolduan, Pamela Brown, Alix Steel, Sara Sidner, Alicia Menendez. Kaitlan Collins is pretty cute, although it is a little odd that she won’t stop grinning. I don’t know what she’s trying to do there. But she always has on the most beautiful clothes. That girl has STYLE!
There are also a lot of hot print journalists. I’m always surprised when these girls who write the political news come on TV and so many of them are so cute, like possibly Jewish and definitely adorable Elaina Plott. And Tara Palmeri. There are so many...
I’m truly sorry to those I’m sure I overlooked. There are just too many of you! It’s like there’s a factory somewhere that works nonstop making smoking hot girls. And now they’re all going to college and setting out to take over the world. And, just look at them. We’re helpless! IT’S NOT FAIR!
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